Over the past few weeks, we have focused on utilizing our skills to cope better with current Shelter-in-Place orders. We have felt the ripples from COVID-19 strongly here in New York City.
All over the world and country, there have been talks erupting about how we can now begin to transition back to our lives outside of our homes.
While there is no decisive end in sight, and this doesn’t mean that we are out of the woods with COVID-19 just yet – it is a sign that we may have another life transition on our hands. It has been almost 7 weeks since NY on PAUSE began.
During this we have all experienced a variety of emotions as well as a collective sense of grief and trauma. Some of us had an easy transition to our homes, while others found it extremely difficult. Others may feel like they still do not have a handle on things.
As such have our experiences been different, our life transition experiences will be as well.
There are many questions – What will commuting look like? Will I need an immunity pass to return to work? Do I even feel comfortable returning to work right now? Will I not be allowed to work from home at all?
With conquering any unknown, here are some Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills we can use to make our life transition easier.
Identify barriers and supports.
In order to plan for the future, we need to take stock of what our barriers are as well as our supports. We want to identify the people and things in our lives that will help us remain strong and grounded as well as enable us to feel more capable of handling problems.
Be nonjudgmental towards your thoughts and your emotions.
Tracking our emotional wellbeing as well as observing and describing our experiences is extremely important during transitions. We want to engage in nonjudgment about these thoughts and emotions. If we’re having difficulty struggling to transition we want to accept our limits and practice taking small steps forward.
There could be changes to your performance or productivity. You could feel irritable or angry, have difficulty making decisions or concentration and you may feel a sense of withdrawal and lack of motivation with work. Observe and describe these experiences and talk to a trusted source (HR, Supervisor, Boss, etc) on steps that you can take to take care of your mental health.
Practice Radical Acceptance.
Radical Acceptance is a powerful Dialectical Behavior Therapy skill. It is about accepting the things that we cannot change, no matter how much we would like to.
In our transition to post Shelter-in-Place orders, Radical Acceptance can take the form of many things. It can be accepting that the transition back may be difficult and refraining from beating yourself up about it.
“Pain is inevitable. Suffering, however, is not.”
Remember to check the facts! Recognize when you are fighting reality. Ask yourself: What are the facts? Remember, even if you would like to, we cannot change the facts – We can only cope through difficult situations.
Make a Cope Ahead plan
When we make a Cope Ahead plan we are planning for our stressors and how to cope for them. We want to describe a situation in which we feel will be stressful or difficult to cope with. Next we want to think about the response this situation will create in us. Then we want to list all of the skills we can utilize to better manage and cope more effectively with this situation (also think about what skill will be effective if a specific skill is not?) and we want to practice this over and over BEFORE the stressful situation! Finally, after we imagine the situation and practice our skills – do a deep breathing exercise or relaxing meditation.
Make a Pros and Cons list
Whether it’s advocating for yourself, or addressing/acting on vs. not acting on feelings of anxiety, depression etc. as related to the transition you are experiencing – making a pros and cons list can help us see how different decisions will affect us in both positive and negative ways.
Practice half smiling and willing hands to engage in willingness rather than willfulness.
Willingness is the readiness to respond to life’s situations wisely, as needed, voluntarily and without holding a grudge. Willfullness is when we try to control the universe and do something we know isn’t working. Engaging in willingness during your transition may look like practicing nonjudgment, being mindful, identifying emotions and acting in opposite of those emotions and urges. Willfullness may look like being judgmental towards yourself, expecting yourself to transition quickly and without problem, not acting in opposite to emotions that do not fit the facts.
Half smiling and willing hands is a skill in which you take a deep, paced breath and let a small smile touch the corners of your lips. Then you hold your hands, palms up and open them – making sure to release any tension if they were balled into fists. Breathe deeply in this position for however long it will take to feel more willing about a particular situation.
A few ending tips on making this life transition!
Accepting our natural response to things during this is so important. It’s okay that you may feel disappointed, nervous, scared, happy, shame, etc. Be compassionate to yourself. This transition will be difficult for many of us, even if we are looking forward to returning to work outside our homes.
Take effective and adaptive actions while checking the facts and engaging wise mind.
We are New York Strong! Remember to commend your natural resilience and strength – it has helped you conquer many obstacles before and will continue to do so.
Continue to be smart and be safe!
“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside of you that is greater than any obstacle.” -Christian D. Larson
