Over the past few weeks, emotions have been high. This is even more apparent in our city; which has been one of the most ravaged areas by the current pandemic.
We are New York City Strong; however, we may still have difficulty identifying, describing and understanding our emotions. And that’s okay!
Some of us may not know how to deal with them. We are not born with the ability to regulate our emotions. The ability to regulate our emotional response is a skill that comes with practice.
Regulating our emotional response does not mean pushing away or sitting on the emotions.
Our emotions are valid, and represent experiences and interactions that were-or are-painful.
Managing emotions means dealing with these emotions in a new way that will relieve some of the suffering that goes with them. This is a way for us to be nonjudgmental, accept ourselves, build our self-esteem and self-confidence.
How do we go about this? Here are some Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills we can use to help with managing emotions.
Describing, Understanding, & Naming Emotions.
Observe your emotions. Acknowledge the emotion as what it is: an emotion. Don’t judge it. It is not good or bad, it is just there.
Anger, fear, sadness, they can all be painful emotions, but they are not bad.
Everybody has them, and they are just as valid as any other emotion you feel. Stand back from it and get yourself unstuck from it. Maybe you need some distance from a painful emotion that you have. That is okay. Try to distance yourself from that emotion. Try to look at it, maybe as if it were on a screen. Describe in words what that emotion is like. This can give you distance and perspective.
Changing Emotional Response.
Don’t hang on to that emotion. Don’t escalate it and make it bigger than it needs to be. When we feel a painful emotion, we often hang onto it, making it stronger.
Try not to do this. Let it be.
This can result in lessening the pain. Try to see your emotion like a wave, coming and going. See it as a wave flowing through you, but not so big that it knocks you over. Don’t push the wave away or fight the wave. What usually happens? We crash into it. Don’t reject it. Let it be.
Practice Radical Acceptance.
Radical Acceptance is a powerful Dialectical Behavior Therapy skill. It is about accepting the things that we cannot change, no matter how much we would like to. Practice accepting your emotions.
We can accept something without having to like it.
You don’t have to like that emotion, but it is there and accepting it rather trying to change it or push it away is better than fighting that emotion.
Validate those emotions
Validate those emotions. Your emotions are valid but that doesn’t mean they’re true. In other words, they exist and need attention, but that doesn’t mean they are facts.
Validation acknowledges and honors emotions as real, present, and important.
When we stop fighting reality and accept the emotion as valid, the painful emotion decreases.
By looking at your emotions, you are exposing yourself to them, looking and describing, not necessarily acting on them, and not being swallowed by or overwhelmed by them.
A few ending tips on managing emotions!
We are in unprecedented times. So just know if you are a mixed bag of emotions, you are not alone. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to feel, no matter what it is. Feel your feelings without judgement. It is okay to feel.
You are doing so much better than you think you are! There is no right way to feel during this time. You are allowed to have good days and you are allowed to have bad days. What you are doing is enough.
Remember that you are not your emotion. Your emotion is part of you, but it is not all of you. You are more than that.
“Feel the feeling but don’t become the emotion. Witness it. Allow it. Release it.” – Crystal Andrus
