Our thoughts about ourselves and the world impact how we feel. This connection between thoughts and emotions is the basis of cognitive therapy. This week in our DBT Self Help series, we are going to be talking about Distorted Thinking (i.e. Cognitive Distortions).
What is Distorted Thinking?
Simply explained, distorted thinking are ways in which our mind convinces us of something that isn’t really true. These inaccurate thoughts usually reinforce negative emotions and feelings by disguising themselves as things that sound rational and accurate. However, distorted thinking only really serves to keep the negative view and emotions going, and in turn, keep us feeling bad about ourselves or others.
The first step to challenging the list of cognitive distortions is to realize that they’re there in the first place. It might be such an ingrained habit to think this way that it takes some effort to break it. In order to recognize if a thought is accurate or distorted, it’s helpful to understand some of the main types of Distorted Thoughts:
What are some examples of Thought Distortions?
Black and White Thinking:
These are the “always,” “never,” “every,” and “all the time” type of thoughts. It follows the all or nothing mindset.
Regret Orientation:
The woulda, coulda, shoulda thinking. When you look at things in hindsight and get stuck on regret and beating yourself up for the “mistakes.” It keeps a past focus rather than a present mindset.
Mind Reading:
The belief that we know for sure what someone else is thinking and feeling. Mind reading is informed by our insecurities and fears, not reality. This makes it very inaccurate and can create more problems when you operate from mind reading.
Catastrophizing:
Assuming the worst. This is when we build up the potential outcome and operate as if there will be a definite dire and disastrous consequence.
Shoulds:
Judgements about what ought to be rather than the realities of the situation. Getting stuck in things needing to fit our preferences or what we believe should happen.
How can we combat Thought Distortions?
1) Check the facts:
If your friend was short with you and your mind immediately jumps to “they must hate me!” Take a second after that thought pops up and ask yourself, “Is this a proven fact or an opinion?” Did your friend tell you, “I hate you”? Odds are, no, which means that it is simply a feeling, not a fact. Look at the facts of the situation, without judgement. Thinking, “My friend hates me” is an opinion. “My friend was short with me tonight” is a fact. Remember, we can’t read others’ minds! Additionally, you can think of new opinions. Maybe your friend is tired. Perhaps they had a rough day. Do this each time these thoughts pop up until eventually your first instinct isn’t to think, “They hate me! It’s all my fault!”
2) Practice Compassion:
Speaking kindly to yourself seems simple, but making a genuine effort each day to build yourself up and provide your heart and mind with love and support is a wonderful habit to make.
For example, say someone didn’t get promoted at work. They may think, “Of course I didn’t get promoted. I am the worst.” These thoughts train our brains in a negative way, reinforcing beliefs that aren’t representative of reality.
In reality, there were probably a lot of factors that went into not getting promoted. Not getting promoted doesn’t make one a failure. Practicing compassion can look like, “I have every right to be sad, that is valid, but there is always another time to get promoted. It doesn’t mean I am a failure.” This validates your emotions, but also reminds you that it is not the end of the world. Remember to be kind to yourself!
What other ways can we practice combating Distorted Thinking?
Identifying, then challenging, these negative thoughts. Think about all the times you’ve succeeded and made the right decisions. Acknowledge these past occurrences and then question how likely a negative outcome is going to result out of this situation. Even if it does, so what? Odds are, it probably won’t be nearly as bad as you’ve created in your mind.
Start practicing this way of thinking so you can move forward. Dismissing negative thoughts as soon as they pop into your mind frees up space so you can stop dwelling in negativity and live a life worth loving!
“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” – Mandy Hale
