Holidays can be a time of joy, but also a time of stress. While we cannot control the world around us, or make reality unfold according to our preferences, we can prepare for the Christmas stress and other holidays by practicing our skills to navigate challenges and enjoy the holidays!
What are some DBT skills you can use to prepare for Christmas Stress and other holidays?
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is about paying attention to the present moment, on purpose, with an open heart and nonjudgmental stance. It is about directing what we want to focus on and when based on our wisdom and what will work. During the holidays, our minds tend to become overwhelmed with Christmas stress, worries about families, get-togethers, gifts, and balancing the pressures of the season. The goal of Mindfulness is to slow down and focus on this moment, taking one thing at a time, and doing exactly what is needed (which might be just being present and not doing anything!). Also remember to take time to practice breathing, imagery, or to simply contemplate the meaning of the season.
Radical Acceptance
The purpose of Radical Acceptance is to teach you to cope with any painful situations and emotions in the future. Instead of suffering endlessly because of distressing feelings or events, Radical Acceptance guides you to feel that pain and cope with it anyway. Radical Acceptance is complete, total acceptance of what is happening, without trying to fight reality. Even if you don’t accept reality, that doesn’t mean that reality is going to change. The facts are going to stay the facts, regardless of whether you recognize them or not. In order to make any sort of change in your life, you need to accept the facts as they are and not as you wish them to be. You may need to see family members, or go to that holiday or office get-together, or make some kind of compromise. Radical Acceptance doesn’t mean that you are stuck in pain forever. By accepting reality as it is, you are not judging something as good or bad, that you approve of it, or that nothing can be done. That is not to say give up and give in. Sometimes we do need to set boundaries or solve a problem…but if you need to do that, you will still be more effective if you start with acceptance.
Willingness
Willingness is the readiness to respond to life’ situations wisely, as needed, voluntarily, and without holding a grudge. It is openness to the moment and doing what is needed. When you practice Willingness, you are listening carefully to your Wise Mind. The opposite of Willingness is Willfulness. Willfulness is trying to control the universe and deliberately or stubbornly doing something you know isn’t working. Being willful limits our options and forces everyone into corners. Maybe it does not have to be your way! When appropriate, learn to let go and go with the flow. Let go of your preconceived notions of how you think a situation should be and practice flexibility. Holidays can make us feel out of control, which we sometimes react to by trying to control everything. People who practice willingness learn to bend so they don’t break!
Accumulate Positive Emotions
Accumulating positive emotions helps us by building up a “reserve” of sorts for positive energy. When we take short or long term action to build up these positive emotions in our lives, we are able to handle negative experiences better. With the build up of positive emotions we’ve created for ourselves, the negative experience doesn’t wipe out the balance completely. Often we miss opportunities for fun or connection because we are lost in our problems and worries. Some tips that can help with accumulating positive emotions are: Listening to your favorite holiday music, watching holiday movies, and committing yourself to investing in the season. Make sure to schedule times to get out and about to get-togethers, community functions, services, and other events that pop up during the season.
Self-Soothe
Get into your senses. The holidays are filled with sights, sounds, smells, and tastes that are pleasing to our senses. Connect mindfully to these moments, and allow yourself to relax into what the holidays have to offer.
Participate
Participate is a core mindfulness skill, and it means fully immersing yourself in what you are doing in the moment. Truly inhabit each experience with your full self, gently letting go of distractions to get back to being with what you are doing and who you are with during this season. Remember that we can participate in stress, or in the many opportunities for joy that the season can offer us.
Gentle reminder that Christmas stress and the rest of the holiday season can be exhausting. Practicing these skills to help prepare for the holidays really helps to create a more stress free and enjoyable holiday season for yourself!
“Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are.” – Theodore Roosevelt
