You may have heard the term non-judgement being used with more and more fervor as of late.
Along with the rise of mindfulness is the concept of being nonjudgmental towards oneself as well as others.
But what exactly does non-judgement mean?
First, let’s talk about the roots of non judgment in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.
Non judgment is rooted in “Mindfulness How” skills. These are the skills that help teach us HOW to practice mindfulness in our daily lives. They are a guide for us to navigate being present in the current moment.
Non judgment is all about removing judgment or shame from our thoughts, feelings and environments. The whole point of being mindful is to be observant of what is happening. It isn’t helpful to observe a feeling and then label it negatively, instead we want to observe and reserve our judgment of the situation, person or ourselves.
In this way we are setting ourselves up to actually be able to learn more from the situation, thought, feeling or behavior that we’re observing.
When we add judgment, we are obscuring the thought, feeling, situation or behavior. It is almost as if we were to stir up the dirt from the bottom of a lake by walking through it hastily, instead of waiting, observing the stillness and state of the lake without interference. Our judgments are the interference.
How do we practice non-judgement in the moment during our daily lives?
Visualize the moment as a blanket on a lawn
The blanket is spread out, and anything that falls onto the blanket is part of that moment. There is no selection or removal process. Whether it is sunshine, leaves, rain, ants, etc. the blanket accepts what the present moment is delivering.
Don’t judge your judging
When you notice a judgment, think to yourself “A judgmental thought has crossed my mind.”
When you notice a feeling, instead of defining yourself by the feeling or emotion, state nonjudgmentally what you are feeling.
Transform “I am angry” to “I feel angry right now.” In this way we are observing and describing our emotions, bringing attention to them, without adding judgments.
Use a Journal
Work non judgment into your journaling process.
First, write the judgment as you initially thought.
Then, rewrite the sentence nonjudgmentally, facts only. Describe the facts, the consequences and your feelings.
Learn to reframe your thoughts with your writing and words by transforming your sentences in real time into non judgemental statements that you can remind yourself of throughout the day or at the end of the day.
When we practice non judgmental, remember to acknowledge your wishes, values & reactions.
It is all about seeing without falling back on our evaluative judgment; which makes our lake cloudy.
“Failing is a judgment that we humans place on a given action. Rather than judgment, substitute this attitude: You cannot fault, you can only produce results.” – Wayne Dryer.
