If you are in a healthy relationship, there are various topics that you have spoken or intend to speak to your partner about such as your hopes, dreams, goals, and values. Conversations about current or past mental health are also equally as important! Talking about mental health might bring up feelings of shame, fear, guilt, distrust or even frustration. They may occur because you simply don’t know how the other person would react. Would they show empathy, or would they judge?
Know that these feelings are normal.
While the idea of sharing your mental health history with your significant other may be an uncomfortable conversation, all these feelings are normal. While broaching the subject, be sure to let your partner know how best they can support you. Will you give them time to ask questions or learn more? Are you comfortable with sharing more details if they ask? It’s important for both people in the relationship to feel safe, heard and validated. Here are some tips to better prepare for the conversation.
Create A Safe Space
First, like any conversation about anything uncomfortable, ensure that both you and your partner are in a space where they are ready to receive the information you are about to give them and that you are prepared for any outcome. There is no guarantee that your partner would be able to hear or understand what you are saying in the moment; remember, this is new information for them to process. It is important to go into the conversation with a few possible reactions that could happen. Not knowing how they will possibly react does make this task a little more daunting, but what is most important is seeing how they respond – this will give you insight into seeing if they can, in fact, support you.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Next, if you are fearful in how you will start the conversation or the outcome you may receive, practice with a friend, a therapist, or close family member who you trust and has insight into your mental health. This way, you can discuss how you feel about having this discussion with your significant other and help you think clearly about the best approach for your partner to receive the information.
Do Your Research
Do your research about any clinical terms you might use to understand what you are saying and be clear with your language. It is easy to use metaphors with your therapist to describe how you may be feeling, but it may be difficult for someone else to understand exactly what you are trying to say. Doing research and having the facts may make it easier to articulate to your partner. This may allow them to give you the reaction of sensitivity, understanding, and empathy that you are looking for, and allow them a chance to grasp the situation to better understand who you are. Doing research together may also help you both to understand your mental health a little more clearly and facilitate a closer bond.
Go At Your Own Pace
This is your health history and you can divulge as much or as little as you’d like at a time. Make sure you are well enough and fully comfortable to discuss your mental health and wait until you are ready. There is no timeline or obligation where you must disclose your mental health history. Don’t force the conversation and just let it happen naturally.
A healthy relationship is built upon trust, respect, honesty, and healthy boundaries between two people.
Whether they may tend to it or not everyone has a mental health history, but it’s up to you when you share your story. Use the tools you need and remember to check in with yourself along the way. It can also be helpful to revisit these conversations from time to time, especially if the relationship is new and you are still trying to understand one another. Although it may sound scary, know that it does get easier as you get to know each other better. This is an opportunity to make the bond you share even stronger!
