What is Radical Acceptance and How Can it Help Me?

What is Radical Acceptance?

Radical acceptance, defined by Google, is the “ability to accept situations that are outside of our control, which reduces the suffering that is caused by them.” This concept is based on the notion that external situations do not cause suffering, but from one’s attachment to these situations. A key element of radical acceptance is that you are not approving the external hardship or circumstance, but instead accepting the elements of reality that you have no control to change, and not allowing yourself to be engrossed in your emotional reaction to this reality. This concept was proposed by Marsha Linehan in 1993 and is a foundational concept in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT).

In this line of thinking, non-attachment to painful past or current experiences is the key to overcoming suffering and distress. Non-attachment refers to a conscious intent to not allow the emotional pain caused by the external event to develop into suffering. This requires introspection, and monitoring your thoughts and emotions.

The word ‘Dialectical’ refers to both the emotional mind and the logical mind that must collaborate through the wise mind. Through acceptance, and not judgements or evaluation, you take reality for what it is and are able to remove the overly emotional aspect of how to handle the problem, and connect with your wise mind.

How Can Radical Acceptance Help Me?

Pain is an inevitable part of the human experience, but radical acceptance enables us to move away from emotional reactions into logical thoughts. Although you cannot change the circumstances of the situation, you can choose how you are going to react to the situation, and how it is going to affect you emotionally. Practicing radical acceptance can instill hope, as you are accepting things as they are and taking control of the elements that you have power over, and no longer fighting against reality.

Ways to Practice

Radical Acceptance, like any skill, is a reflex that becomes stronger with time and the frequency that it is practiced. Below are steps that you can take to enhance your ability to practice Radical Acceptance:

1. If you are unable to solve a problem or change your perspective, Radical Acceptance may be the answer.
2. Identify events/situations in your life that you are struggling to accept.
3. When you are in a situation that causes intense emotions, practice grounding techniques such as deep breathing, examine the thoughts you are having, and let them pass.
4. Remind yourself that reality can’t be changed, and some situations are out of your control.
5. Think about what you would do if you were to accept what happened, then do those things as if you have accepted it.
6.  Stop judging situations and attaching value to them (good or bad).

Mantras for Radical Acceptance:

Sometimes, when you are feeling as though you cannot accept the situation and move on, mantras can aid to move you to acceptance. Here are some mantras that can be used in moments where emotions are feeling out of control:

1. I can only control the present moment.
2. When I fight against my negative emotions or thoughts, or judge them, I only make them stronger.
3. I can accept this present moment just as it is.
4. I can get through difficult emotions even if it is hard.
5. What I am experiencing right now is hard, but it is temporary.
6. I don’t understand why this happened, but I can accept it.

Life is full of experiences, both ones that you like and others that you may dislike. Radical Acceptance is a skill that will enable you to accept circumstances that you cannot change, stopping your pain from becoming suffering. This skill, as any, requires practice and repetition in order to strengthen the reflex. Life provides us with many opportunities to practice acceptance, and executing acceptance in any situation, no matter how small,  helps you strengthen the skill, as well as prepare for more difficult circumstances.

“Happiness can exist only in acceptance” – George Orwell, Author