Friendships come in all shapes and forms. From childhood best friends, to work besties, mom BFFs and book club friends. No matter how these relationships are formed they all hold a special place in your life. There comes a time, however, when people who you once considered to be one of your closest friends can become a stranger or someone you no longer trust. It can be hard knowing when it is the right time to “drop” this friend and move on with your life.
Here are some helpful tips to spot the red flags in your friendships and see if it’s time to drop your friend:
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Feeling drained following a conversation or being around a person:
Friendships are supposed to be uplifting, not draining. A draining friendship might be displayed as someone who is constantly complaining about their personal problems such as their relationships or work, but when you try to provide any form of feedback, they tend to reject it. This form of friendship can feel like being stuck on a never ending ferris-wheel of negativity.
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When a friendship feels more like work
Being at work can be stressful enough, so why would you want to be in a friendship that feels like a second job. This can feel like having to constantly be the only one to make plans to see each other or having to reschedule plans because they are inconvenient for your friend. Remember you are a friend not an employee. It does not even have to be plans to see each other, but also having to do all the emotional work. This can include constant reassurance, being an emotional support friend or not being able to share your feelings because your friend does not have the time to listen.
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Putting you down to make them feel better
There is nothing wrong with having a little bit of friendly competition with a friend. However, when your friend tries to “one-up” you on almost all of your accomplishments is it just friendly competition. These forms of friends might try to make you look bad in front of others so that the attention is placed back on to them. Usually, these friends tend to only be with you when you are down on your luck but are fast to turn away when you are at the top of your accomplishments.
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Gets mad if you have other friends
These friends tend to become extremely jealous when you make plans with others or feel as though you are becoming close to someone else. When in a healthy friendship, it is perfectly normal to have more than one group of friends and once in a while mesh your friend groups together. However, when you are in a controlling friendship, the friend might see this as competition and might feel as though you are abandoning them for someone else.
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Does not respect your boundaries
Creating and setting boundaries with anyone in any relationship can be challenging. Boundaries are what helps to keep us safe whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally. Having your personal boundaries violated especially by someone you consider your friend tends to feel like a huge betrayal. Violation of boundaries can look like putting you down, not taking your feelings into consideration, talking about you behind your back, or breaking your trust.
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Friendship has started to feel forced
As we start to transition into new phases of our life’s friendships may start to drift apart. Sometimes this can make a friendship feel as though it is forced, especially when you and your friend no longer have any common interest. These friendships start to feel as though they are an obligation and not a choice. You may feel awkward with this friend and not feel as though your relationship is the same as it once was.
Spotting red flags can be hard to do but knowing what the signs are can be very helpful. Remember: friendships are a two-way street, so if you ever feel as though you are the only one putting effort into a friendship it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
