Change is not easy, but it is possible to get through it successfully. Maybe you are moving to a new town, going to college, getting settled at a new job, or are taking a break from school or work. Or maybe you are dealing with the COVID-19 life transitions.
How do you feel during these transitions? Are you feeling anxious? Stressed? Scared? Excited? Exhausted? Don’t worry—it’s completely valid to feel this way. Really take time to think about how you feel during transitional times of your life.
This week in our DBT Self Help series, we are going to be talking about Life Transitions. Going through a life transition can come with fear of the unknown. But you can get through this period in your life!
Tips for Life Transitions
Set Goals
When making a transition in life, it’s important to have goals that keep you on track. Goals not only give you direction, but they also keep you motivated. It can be helpful to create a few small short-term goals and one or two long-term goals. Make sure your goals are important to you, reasonable, and achievable.
Reward Yourself
As you achieve your goals, whether it’s finishing a paper, finishing a chore or improving your work performance, make sure to reward yourself with something you enjoy. Rewards can be big or small, depending on the goal you’ve accomplished. You could treat yourself to a nice meal, or set aside some time to watch a movie and relax. Rewards help you celebrate your achievements and keep you moving forward.
Set a ROUTINE
Setting a routine can enforce stability in your life. It can be helpful to know what your day looks like, such as when you plan to wake up, take a shower, eat your meals, and get ready for bed. Write down and repeat your routine to reinforce a structure for predictability and productivity. Having steady routines can make it easier to create a balance of responsibilities and enjoyable free time.
Practice Cope Ahead
Cope Ahead walks you through the process of anticipating emotionally triggering or stressful situations and lets you rehearse how you will handle it. Cope Ahead can help you plan how you’re going to get through it.
Cope Ahead involves 5 steps:
- Describe the situation causing anxiety. Detail what exactly it is that you are anxious about. Describe what outcome you are fearing and what worst case scenario you are anticipating.
- Decide what you need to do to be effective. What do you need to say or do? how do you need to act? Are there coping skills and stress management techniques that would be helpful here? Problem solve when necessary.
- Imagine the situation. Get in a comfortable position and close your eyes. Picture being in the situation that you are anxious about. Put yourself into the situation as completely as possible. Imagine as many details as you can, what will your surroundings be, who else will be there, etc. Really imagine that you are presently in the situation, and make sure not to still be thinking in future terms.
- Rehearse coping effectively. Imagine the situation going exactly how you would want it to go. Then imagine encountering problems that you are fearing and imagine coping well. Watch yourself handle things effectively using the skills you detailed in step 2. Watch yourself not fall apart, but be ok when you run into problems.
- Practice relaxation after rehearsing. Do a deep breathing exercise or meditation. You will likely find, especially in the beginning, that rehearsing can heighten anxiety at first. By utilizing a relaxation technique after, it will help calm you down. You can then rehearse again, already improving your anxiety management. Additionally, you are training your mind to relate to the situation with calmness rather than anxiety. The more you pair relaxation with the anxiety driving the situation, the more you lessen the anxiety itself.
Cope ahead prepares you to act and cope in effective ways and helps you not assume the worst-case scenario is definite. By imaging things going well, you are training your mind to feel more positive. This will increase the likelihood that things will actually work out in the end. Additionally, imagining dealing with the worst-case scenario helps you stop catastrophizing. It helps show that even if the worst happens, it is not such a disaster. It also helps prepare you to better manage if that does happen.
Life transitions are challenging for anyone, no matter what point in life they’re currently at.
Find what works for you during this time and be gentle with yourself. Have confidence that you’ll make it through!
“Change is inevitable. Change is constant.” — Benjamin Disraeli
