We’ve all done it – we’ve caught up with friends and found ourselves deep in conversation about the details of our mutual friend’s recent breakup, new relationship, or family issues. It’s juicy, it’s fascinating…and it’s a habit that may be detrimental to both ourselves and those around us.
It’s estimated that 14% of our daily conversations are ones in which we gossip.
According to the Oxford Dictionary, the definition of gossip is “casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.”
Gossiping is a natural habit for most people. In a sense, it can be a way that people relate and bond with each other. Gossip can be an unspoken bond and a relationship habit between two friends, coworkers, family members, or partners. There is an unspoken idea that when telling a friend, for instance, something private about someone else, that we trust them, that we value them, and sharing a secret can even serve as a symbol of how close we are to that friend. It is natural to reveal one’s mind in confidence to a friend as that is the way we can deeply connect and relate to someone close to us. But should you be revealing the private information of others?
In ancient eastern philosophy, it is considered that unnecessary talk, AKA gossip, or prajalpa in sanskrit, is a dangerous practice that can derail one from the path to self-realization. By discussing the personal lives of others, we are damaging the trust between us and the party being gossiped about, as well as between us and the party we are gossiping to.
Have you ever thought about that friend that always has ‘the tea’? And have you ever thought about the reality that you also may be the subject of their conversations? If gossip is a habit for someone, it’s likely they talk about everyone.
In Marsha Lenihan’s landmark work DBT Skills Training, she writes “Mindfulness of others and sensitivity to others’ needs are critical components of developing and maintaining relationships. Describing one’s own or another’s reactions, thoughts, or feelings is the opposite of making judgmental comments about oneself or others. This is a critical interpersonal skill, because judgmentalness is often poisonous in both new and ongoing relationships.”
Focusing on the details on other’s lives, and forging connections with others based on the personal information of a third person, are depriving us from both focusing on our own personal growth, as well as building a relationship with others that is based on shared interests, meaning, and connection – rather than the latest drama.
